driving while stupid...

so the jets just can't stay out of trouble. first, they are accused of harassing a female reporter. ok, who let joe namath in the locker room again?

then braylon edwards gets busted for drunk driving. he tested double the legal limit. his beard was the designated driver.

seriously braylon? are you that dumb? he initially got pulled over because his window tint was too dark. he thought that if it was dark enough, the cops wouldn't see him.

in the 'no one saw this coming dept.': after holding out all of training camp, darrelle revis hurt his hamstring and will miss time. the jets secondary is looking more like gilligan's island.

the bills are bad. really really bad. the bills are so bad this year, they make the lions look like super bowl champs.

fuck tom brady. and his hair.

ridin' the pine: seems like half the starting quarterbacks in the league have been benched or knocked out and it's only week 3. it's been so bad, cbs fired phil simms and hired jeff hostetler.

kevin kolb lost his job to michael vick. congrats kevin, you just got favre'd!

the steelers are 2 - 0 as they wait for ben roethlisberger to come back from suspension. he got suspended because he prefers his hands under a drunk girl's ass than under his center's ass.

fuck bill belichick too. i can't be the only one that's sick of his smug pretentious ass. and his stupid looking poncho-sweatshirt-hoodie outfit.

manning bowl: the best throw in the game wasn't made by peyton or eli. it was made by brandon jacobs.

i'm through for this week. next week we will try our damnedest to stop calling him tim t-bone.

here we go again!

yes, it's been a while, but i am still back before plaxico.

so a lot has happened since the last time, the saints won the super bowl, the jets became a good team (or so they keep telling me) and brett favre retired about 4 times.

seriously, there should be a brett favrehog day: when he comes out, it means there's only 2 weeks of preseason left.

sexy rexy's a big star! thanks to this hard knocks show, everyone now knows about this jolly fat man. think santa claus with a foul mouth.

thanks to the show, we also know that antonio 'babydaddy' cromartie isn't gonna win any father of the year awards.

cromartie has fathered 8 children with 6 women in 5 states. he's interested in hitting, it's just not a receiver going over the middle.

ben roethlisberger was in the news a lot this offseason for the wrong reasons too. in the nfl, there's an injured reserve list, a physically unable to perform list, and between guys like him and babydaddy, there will be a registered sex offender list.

tom brady hates the jets. news flash for tom brady: anyone who watches football and can pronounce the word 'chowder' correctly hates you.

but anyways, let's get to the field:

after further review, the ruling on the field stands: the lions still stink.

pete carroll surprisingly won his seahawks debut. no one expected it because he is paying his players less than he did at usc.

michael vick played well after kevin kolb got knocked out of the game. it was because before he came into the game, andy reid said if he didn't he would drown him. gotta motivate him in a way he can understand, you know.

i'm tapped out for this week. tune in next week when we try to find out where matt leinart's career went.

just end the...wait what they won!?

how about those jets? they haven’t beat the patriots in the meadowlands since the civil war!

the jets had a hell of a game plan. we just didn’t see it before because it was hiding under rex ryan’s gut.

kerry rhodes said that the jets would embarrass the patriots. they didn’t really embarrass them, unless you count randy moss whining like a 3 year old after the game.

tom brady & gisele bündchen are being sued by two cameramen claiming their security shot at them after they took unauthorized pictures. wrong move, guys - if anyone knows about unauthorized use of cameras, it would be tom brady.

schmuck of the week: robert henson, a rookie linebacker for the redskins who has yet to play this year, called washington fans ‘dim wits’ after booing the team after their uninspiring 9-7 win. way to play yourself into the hearts of the fans, dumbass.

henson also insulted fans by asking what they know about football when they work at mcdonalds. how much you wanna bet he gets a little ‘extra special sauce’ next time he orders a big mac?

plaxico burress began his jail sentence. unfortunately for him, there are guys in prison who really love ‘wide receivers.’

i want my baby back: everyone’s talking ribs between mcnabb and hasselbeck breaking a few between the two of them. it’s getting so bad tony siragusa donated a rack from his bbq joint to help out.

so jerrywood opened with 105,000 people watching the cowboys lose to the giants. jerry jones was so pissed he made tony romo clean the bathrooms after the game with terrell owens’ old toothbrush while listening to jessica simpson albums.

i’m done for this week. tune in next week when we interview the gap between michael strahan’s teeth.