Thursday, December 25, 2008

irony, thy name is pennington

finally found the weapons of mass destruction. they're at plaxico's house.

you know, i almost bought the whole 'needed for protection' argument. but when you have an arsenal big enough to invade eastern europe, maybe others need protection from you.

the fundamental difference between the jets and giants: when the jets need protection, they throw snowballs.

so chad pennington goes into the meadowlands with a chance to not only make the playoffs, he can also eliminate the jets. proof positive that there are football gods, and they have a sense of humor.

how bad do you think chad pennington wants to win this week? if he had an arm to give, he would.

fumbling towards history update: first nfl team to reach 0-15, at green bay this sunday. if green bay loses this game, rod marinelli's daughter will marry mike mccarthy.

short week this week, happy holidays folks. hope your holidays are more exciting than the bengals-browns game last week.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

terribly overhyped...

we begin this week with the big fad of naming rb tandems. earth, wind & fire, smash & dash - i got one: lendale white & chris johnson should be named cheeseburger & small fry!

did you see bush duck the flying shoe? he showed some quick reflexes. better than j.p. losman, at least.

why would you throw in that situation? someone should have thrown a shoe at dick jauron.

seriously, is t.o. a paranoid schizophrenic? maybe romo hangs out with witten just to get away from your crazy ass.

between t.o. and jerry jones, i'm not sure who is the bigger attention whore. they both make donald trump look like a wallflower.

kurt warner, brett favre, jeff feagles, and john carney all made it to the pro bowl. each of them has been in the league since world war i.

fumbling towards history update: 0-14, hosting new orleans this week. at least red wings hockey is still relevant, if you can accept putting 'hockey' and 'relevant' in the same sentence.

the bengals play the browns this week. call it the 'we'd both lose to the buckeyes bowl'

40 years ago this week, philly fans booed and threw snowballs at santa claus. to commemorate the occasion, donovan mcnabb will play santa this year. he is used to the booing.

i swear, i think philly fans would boo jesus, ghandi, and the dalai lama.

speaking of the eagles, playboy girl next door kendra wilkinson is engaged to wr hank baskett. how about that? hugh hefner's third option getting together with mcnabb's fourth option.

really, that brings new meaning to the term 'hot route.'

joe horn might sign with the giants, replacing one nutjob wr with another. at least you can't shoot yourself with a cell phone.

greg white, a buccaneers lineman, legally changed his name to a character from
80's movie 'teen wolf.' not to be outdone, ocho cinco now wants to be known as chad spicoli.

i'm tapped out for this week. watch out next week for our interview with browns qb derek anderson, brady quinn, ken dorsey? he's still in the league?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

no plax, no problem?

we begin this week with fox apologizing for their lions-vikings postgame coverage. in the background of the viking locker room meeting, the camera caught a glimpse of visanthe’s shiancoe.

the once undefeated bills officially suck. they haven’t scored a td in the month of december since the clinton administration.

full disclosure time: i am a buffalo fan. the bills are the red-headed step-child of new york football.

after last week’s loss to the 49ers, the jets are 0 for california this season. rumor has it mangini was so mad at his team he made them watch 90210 reruns the whole flight home.

the jets secondary is god awful. there were as many open san francisco receivers as there are open san franciscans.

memo to shawn ellis: that’s not what the pr department meant by ‘show us your green’

according to antonio pierce, he didn’t know plastico had a gun. he also didn’t know he had to cover, defend, and tackle brian westbrook.

more troublemakers: jeremy bridges, a backup lineman for the panthers, was charged with assault after an altercation with a bouncer. apparently he sprayed a bottle of dom perignon all over the bar causing a woman to get doused. are you an idiot? you can get the same effect with a bottle of korbel for $150 less! i don’t care about the player, but that’s a waste of a great champagne!

fumbling towards history update: the lions actually had a 4th quarter lead! they even knocked gus frerrote out of the game! but alas, they drop to 0-13. next week: at indy. peyton manning promised to only throw 4 td passes.

memo to lions fans: dominic raiola was just saying you’re number 1 for sticking by them!

baseball note of the week: admit it, yankee fans, aren’t you even a little curious what manny would/could do in pinstripes?

baseball note of the week weak: if you were offered $140 million, or take less to stay closer to your family, wouldn’t just move your whole damn family?

meet jerry jones: meddling owner, wannabe coach, attention whore. you can now add podiatrist. just ask marion barber’s toe.

that’s all for now. tune in next week when we ask: when terrell owens opens his mouth, don’t you just want to slap him? yes, donovan, i know what your answer is…

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

national firearm league!

we begin this week with a prediction: the giants ought to get back to the super bowl,
as long as they don't shoot themselves in the...err, nevermind.

seriously, are you kidding plastico? after the year you've had so far? if you are dumb enough to make yourself a target, you will become one.

what kind of club was this that you wear sweat pants and bring a gun
to, gold's gym and shooting range?

it's too bad for him his nra membership was more important to him than
his nfl membership.

antonio pierce is gonna be in trouble too for the coverup. hope it was
worth it.

plastico was trying to do his job, just in a misguided way. he's
supposed to catch bombs from eli manning, not bullets from himself!

how much do you want to bet he winds up in dallas next year? two
things they love down there are guns and nutjob wide receivers, after all.

and now for the actual football portion of our show!

those had to be the worst games in the history of thanksgiving
football. people all around the country were actually forced to talk
to their relatives.

was anyone else at the jets-broncos game? it was a sloppy mess, and
i'm not even talking about the weather!

honestly, it looked like the jets gameplanned for the wrong team. i
haven't seen the middle that wide open since the paris hilton sex tape.

and who the hell is peyton hillis? i am now convinced a chimpanzee in
pads could run for 100 in that system.

the bills lost at home to the 49ers. at least they're not the lions.

speaking of, the lions watch this week: 0-12, home against minnesota
sunday. fumbling towards history!

i'm through for this week. tune in next week when we will be sporting our
giants #17 harris smith jersey!